"This is the Sea" by the Waterboys

"That was the river, this is the sea."

And I'm drowning.

So, this morning I was trying to just chill around my apartment and not think too much about last night, the drinking, the vomiting. I watched 'Riding Giants' again. Awesome movie. I wish I could surf like that. Hell, I wish I could surf period. That brings me to another topic. This morning has made me really take note of my shortcomings. It's making me depressed.

I'm going through strange times. I've said that before, not too long ago. Maybe I never stopped going through the strange times. Like I've been going through them all along and things just seem different. Alcohol does have a part to play in all this, as much as I hate to admit it. If it weren't for alcohol, none of this round of strange times would have happened.

These strange times were different than the last few. This was actually a lot of fun for a while. I can't say if I regret all this yet. I've thought about it a lot as I'm sure other people have as well. Where would I be today if I skipped Madison's birthday and played caps with the team? Would I still be questioning my existence this morning, hung over and lazy? How fun would it have been to get wasted in Stillwater for my birthday? How great would I look in one of those Kelvin Sampson T-shirts from the Tech game?

If I knew the answers to these questions, I probably wouldn't be asking myself a lot of other questions right now, honestly. The What-If's, the Why's. The Why's are really bothering me now. I have to ask why I was put through all this if we knew it was going to happen anyway. Why let it start in the first place?

I've come to the conclusion that certain people were a lot more selfish then they're willing to let on. Wanting to try something new while keeping two people in precarious positions. I'm not trying to play victim. I have certain blame, too. But if someone in that type of situation lets things happen the way they did, they must know it can't end well and they must know they have the power to stop it. Thus the Why's.

So, that's where I'm at right now. A little angst. A little regret. A lot of confusion.

The Jobey Poll
Can I get some comments? Maybe some opinions? Maybe somebody tell me, "It's alright, Jobey, you'll find the right woman someday"?