TUESDAY UPDATE

on impotence
"Nobody broke your heart
You broke your own
'Cause you can't finish what you start.
If you're alone, it must be you that wants to be apart."

Elliott Smith sang that in his song "Alameda," then, a few years later, after battling alcoholism and heroin addiction, he stabbed himself in the heart.

I lived on Alameda street for a few weeks this summer and now I feel like I'm living that song. I'm unemployed and I'm running out of money. I'm beginning to loath some people that I'm supposed to love. I'm depressed. I don't feel like there is anything left for me where I live except school and familiarity.

on futility
I tried to escape to the library for a few hours to read and relax, but I'll be damned if anyone can read in a library these days. I tried both libraries in Sand Springs, only to find that both are packed with rowdy young children and their parents. I made the drive to the Central Library downtown, but it was still nearly impossible to find a good place to sit comfortably and read.

Today at the various libraries, I've heard people walking the rows of books talking on cell phones, I've seen a mother feeding her two very young kids, one of whom was yelling and crying constantly, I've heard the constant clatter of keyboards, echoing through every nook and cranny. Public libraries have yielded themselves to the semi-literate, and they are the worse for it.