"Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead

That's right. Fake. Plastic. That's all I surround myself with apparently. Nothing real. And what is real, I can't deal with, so I push it away.

My night just continued to go downhill after I posted that "Ballad of Big Nothing" post last night. After consuming a few adult beverages, I decided that the only way to ensure I wouldn't have anymore nights ruined by calls from certain people would be to have a conversation with someone I should have had a long time ago. And it fucking sucked. For one thing, I haven't spoken to her in over a month and realized how fucking much I miss talking to her just from hearing her voice. For another, the subject matter is going to make me out to be a big asshole. Not to say that I'm not, but I'm sure this conversation will be discussed with mutual friends who will judge me based on it. It's not for me to say whether that's fair or not. Anyway, I really could have used someone to talk to last night...which offers a great seg-way, as it happens, seeing as someone I've considered my best friend for a good portion of my life just so happened to be in Norman last night and was doing a great job of blowing me off completely. And I couldn't get in touch with anyone else to talk to me, partly because my phone was dead, partly because my other confidants were sleeping or busy.

I did talk to one person for a considerable amount of time after that first significant call of the night (the one that made me feel guilty), and I truly appreciate the fact that he allowed me to talk his bloody ear off with my rapid fire explanation of the excruciatingly confusing night I had stumbled upon. I don't know if you still read this, but, Thanks a lot, bro. I know you weren't expecting me to drop all that shit on you last night, especially since we haven't talked a lot in a while, so I really appreciate you lending me your ear. Holla at me when you come to Norman...I mean, if you feel like it, I know some folks don't like to bother, so I won't cramp your style or anything if you're not into that.

So, I guess I'm back to the Fake Plastic Trees thing. I'm pushing away some people who aren't fake and trying to embrace some who are. For clarification, I'm trying to be vain and I'm trying my best not to take my real friends for granted, mom. There just comes a point where I've got to look out for myself and turn certain people away. Shit. That sounds terrible...

Ok. I just remember why I got into such a funk last night. It was because of the poetic justice I felt was being done on me by the world by having certain people bail on me and then turn around and do the same thing in a different way to someone else. Somehow, purposefully or inadvertently (Jesus Christ, I hope it's the latter. Not like it matters except for my ego at this point any-damn-way), I was cast as the odd man out in a play I'd just written for another person. Well, needless to say, a night of drinking and deep introspective nightmares proceeded.

So, in conclusion...well, shit, I don't really have one. I guess all I've got left to say is that I don't want this shit to affect me anymore, so I'll try to get back to the basics: Going to class, playing lacrosse, playing disc golf, eating well, drinking better, paying homage to Bacchus. Basically, find and suckle that sweet teet of Fun until that bitch runs dry.

Middle finger to the haters.

And, I'm spent.